Question

Hello,
So this might sound weird but I would like to know if it’s ok to spank/yell at my wife when she angers me.

Yes, I have read the ahadiths/surats saying that I should treat her with respect and be patient BUT in today’s world if a woman gets away ‘easily’ with what she is doing, she will keep going at it non stop and see you as weak/beta male.

And to be honest I would rather spank her than divorce her, I have an extremely short fuse and I am aggressive by nature (not abusive or anything, I just go on the defense within few seconds) meaning that I can divorce without regretting within the first fight.

As a side note, I should mention that I have personally witnessed this, I dated many girls (without zina) just to test relationship theories: those that I treated great became bored whereas ALL of those that I have been very harsh with grew addicted to me, and those that I treated harshly but then became kind to them also grew bored but one that I forgot about still wrote me an email (this is how effective it is) and this is what I would like to replicate this in my marriage, hopefully I wouldn’t have to get divorced many times (there is also an issue in knowing that even if I am married, other girls would still want to be with me and I can basically replace her with a new wife (get remarried) within 20-25 days.

Can anyone PLEASE help me, is it permissible to correct my wife by spanking her/bastinado(basically hit in the feet)/yelling at her to avoid getting divorced again and again and again…

Answer

The message of Islam is what you have read in the ahadith and surats: one should treat their wives with mutual respect and patience. We have not come across any occasion where the Prophet ﷺ has hit his wives or mistreated them, to keep them interested in him. This is not the message of Islam, and this philosophy is not from our religious tradition.

Being in a haram relationship might entail these power dynamics, but a marriage is an entirely different ballgame. A haram relationship does not involve any commitment – one can shop around when they are bored, but generally, Muslims do not enter marriage with this mindset. They enter a marriage with the idea of accepting the flaws of the other individual and growing together. There is no need to keep them interested by being “mean” to them, as they are committed to the relationship as a religious obligation.

Your mindset needs immediate reformation. Seek the counsel of a local scholar who can teach you the function of marriage in Islam. Alternatively, purchase Mufti Abdurrahman’s book: “Handbook to a Healthy Muslim Marriage”, which functions as a fiqh text intertwined with self-help and counselling.[1]

[1] This book featured on the Muslim500. For the review, see https://www.themuslim500.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/10/TheMuslim500-2020-low.pdf, pg. 235-6.

Answered by:
Maulana Ikramul Hoque Miah

Checked & Approved by:
Mufti Abdul Rahman Mangera
Mufti Zubair Patel