Do I have to be a female forever?

Sep 5, 2022 | Aqidah (Belief), Women’s Fiqh


Unfortunatly, i am super unlucky as I am a female. I hate being a female, because even though I see some claiming women are honoured but I do not find this to be true and even when it is true it is for things that are temporary. I know you will say that the status of a mother is higher, but being a mother in this world is something temporary and has no benefit in the hereafter. It is nothing comapred to the benefit of paradise. Women are almost denied most of what the desire. It is well known that women hate to share thier husbands, yet in paradise, she will have to share him, I know you will say there is no saddness, but even though there is no saddness, things in paradise, are according to what men want, and not what women want. A woman’s nature in paardise is altered to suit the desire of women while beig denied what she desires. But when it comes to punishment, women receive so much more punishment. when they are abused by thier husbands this is very overlooked. This is why I hate being a woman more than anything else, and if it was up to me, I would kill myself then be a woman for one more minute. Is it possible not to be a female in the hereafter? because I really hate being a woman, as i feel it is a never ending punishment for something I did not choose.


Allah has created a society which relies on the contributions of males and females for its progress and development. Each gender has collective as well as individual roles and responsibilities. However, it is not the gender of an individual which merits their rank or superiority before Allah. What is of consideration is their level of piety and the outcome of their deeds. This is clearly presented in the Qur’an in several passages:

For each (of these two groups) there are (different) ranks because of what they did, and so that He may repay them in full for their deeds; and they will not be wronged. [Al-Ahqaf, v.19]

O mankind, We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into races and tribes, so that you may identify one another. Surely the noblest of you, in Allah’s sight, is the one who is most pious of you. Surely Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware. [Al-Hujurat, v.13]

I do not allow the labour of any worker from among you, male or female, to go to waste. You are similar to one another. [Aal-Imran, v.195]

How a person lived their worldly life will determine their reward in the hereafter. For every deed, mankind will most definitely see its outcome. This world is the place of action and making a pathway to Jannah.

Surely, Allah does not wrong (anyone), even to the measure of a particle. If it is a good deed, He multiplies it, and gives a great reward out of His Own pleasure. [Al-Nisa’, v.40]

From the lives of pious women of the past, we find various roles women undertook wherein they did not only give back to society, but they also left a lasting legacy. Mothers, wives, daughters, scholars, educators, warriors, healthcare workers and more. All these roles can be a means of blessing and reward in this world and the hereafter. You mention that the reward for motherhood is limited to this world. However, there are numerous hadith which indicate otherwise.

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Verily, Allah Almighty will raise the status of his righteous servants in Paradise, and they will say: O Lord, what is this? Allah will say: This is due to your child seeking forgiveness for you.” [Musnad Ahmad]

The Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “When a Muslim dies, their actions are cut off from them except from three, continual charity (sadaqa jariya), knowledge they benefited from or a righteous child who supplicates for them.” [Muslim]

No matter what our gender, each individual has a contribution to make to the growth of society. Each gender with their own roles and responsibilities is answerable to Allah for their own actions and deeds. The verses mentioned before clearly demonstrate Allah does not merit conduct or issue punishment based on gender, however it is the sincerity and piety of our deeds which are considered.

When studying the attributes of Allah, we come to know that Allah is al-‘Adl, and al-Muqsit. These are qualities which demonstrate His absolute fairness and justice. He will not wrong anyone in anyway, let alone based on their gender. We must hold onto these fundamental beliefs to shape our view of our Creator and our expectations of what life in the hereafter will hold for us.

We shall place scales to do justice on the Day of Judgment. So no one shall be wronged in the least. Even if it (a deed) is to the measure of a mustard seed, We will bring it forth, and We are enough to take account. [Al-Anbiya, v.47]

Whoever, male or female, has acted righteously, while being a believer, We shall certainly make them live a good life, and shall give such people their reward for the best of what they used to do. [Al-Nahl, v.97]

Whoever, male or female, does good deeds and is a believer, then such people shall enter Paradise, and they shall not be wronged in the least. [Al-Nisa’, v.124]

There are many elements of Paradise that have not been disclosed to us. In the hadith collections of Bukhari and Muslim, a hadith from Abu Hurayra (may Allah be pleased with him) reports that the Prophet (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Allah has said: ‘I have prepared for My righteous servants that which no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and what no human heart has conceived. Recite the verse if you wish: No soul knows what has been hidden for them of comfort’.”

We cannot come close to imagining the rewards which lie in wait for us in there hereafter. We highly recommend you watch the series ‘Paradise and its Delights’ on the Zamzam Academy YouTube channel for more information on the rewards of Jannah.

To end off, I would like to remind that the words of our second Caliph of Islam, Umar ibn al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him):

“In the time of ignorance (i.e., pre-Islamic era), we used to have no regard for women whatsoever. But when Islam came and Allah made mention of them, this caused us to realise that they have rights upon us.” [Bukhari]

Islam came to bring honour and re-instate rights for women. It is a religion which advocates for women and seeks to empower women through the Qur’an and Sunnah. I strongly encourage you to reflect closely on all the Qur’anic passages and Hadith statements mentioned above for a clearer observation on the irrelevance of gender before Allah when it comes to reward and punishment for worldly actions of human beings.

Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated: Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him and give him peace) said, “Allah does not look at your figures, nor at your form, but He looks at your hearts [and deeds].” [Muslim]

سنن ابن ماجه (2/ 1207) حَدَّثَنَا أَبُو بَكْرِ بْنُ أَبِي شَيْبَةَ قَالَ: حَدَّثَنَا عَبْدُ الصَّمَدِ بْنُ عَبْدِ الْوَارِثِ، عَنْ حَمَّادِ بْنِ سَلَمَةَ، عَنْ عَاصِمٍ، عَنْ أَبِي صَالِحٍ، عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ، عَنِ النَّبِيِّ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ قَالَ: «الْقِنْطَارُ اثْنَا عَشَرَ أَلْفَ أُوقِيَّةٍ، كُلُّ أُوقِيَّةٍ خَيْرٌ مِمَّا بَيْنَ السَّمَاءِ وَالْأَرْضِ» وَقَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: ” إِنَّ الرَّجُلَ لَتُرْفَعُ دَرَجَتُهُ فِي الْجَنَّةِ فَيَقُولُ: أَنَّى هَذَا؟ فَيُقَالُ: بِاسْتِغْفَارِ وَلَدِكَ لَكَ “

صحيح مسلم (3/ 1255) حدثنا يحيى بن أيوب، وقتيبة يعني ابن سعيد، وابن حجر، قالوا: حدثنا إسماعيل هو ابن جعفر، عن العلاء، عن أبيه، عن أبي هريرة، أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم، قال: ” إذا مات الإنسان انقطع عنه عمله إلا من ثلاثة: إلا من صدقة جارية، أو علم ينتفع به، أو ولد صالح يدعو له “

صحيح مسلم (4/ 1987) حدثنا عمرو الناقد، حدثنا كثير بن هشام، حدثنا جعفر بن برقان، عن يزيد بن الأصم، عن أبي هريرة، قال: قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم: «إن الله لا ينظر إلى صوركم وأموالكم، ولكن ينظر إلى قلوبكم وأعمالكم»

صحيح البخاري (6/ 157) ثُمَّ قَالَ عُمَرُ: وَاللَّهِ إِنْ كُنَّا فِي الجَاهِلِيَّةِ مَا نَعُدُّ لِلنِّسَاءِ أَمْرًا، حَتَّى أَنْزَلَ اللَّهُ فِيهِنَّ مَا أَنْزَلَ، وَقَسَمَ لَهُنَّ مَا قَسَمَ،

Answered by:
Bint Saeed

Checked & Approved by:
Mufti Abdul Rahman Mangera
Mufti Zubair Patel