Question
Hi,
I am … year old male. Recently had my Nikkah but waiting for Ruksati (Moving of wife from parents to husbands home).
Issue: I have realized after Nikkah, due to doctor visit that I have become very weak physically due to have watching explicit content since I was 9 and being addicted to unnatural activities. It has been more than 17 years due to which My organ has become weak and small.
I fear I might ruin her life, not being able to satisfy my wife and have proper Married relation as this will increase my weakness. I am very confused in this situation is causing further bad effect on my health.
Please Guide what Should I do?
1. I could divorce her?
2. Should I tell her that I will need 1-2 Years for recovery. But this will expose my sin and I think she will hate me for life.
3. Should I continue with the marriage to save my nose, and risk broken marriage, ignoring my wife in bed due to bad health for life?
Please Guide!
Answer
From a legal perspective you are not allowed to avoid sexual relations with your wife indefinitely. There is usually a one year window after marriage where the wife has to allow the husband to get treatment if he is totally incapable of sexual intercourse, after which if treatment fails she is entitled to separation. For this reason, option three, where you remain married and avoid your wife in bed indefinitely, will not be permissible.
If you have not engaged in sexual relations with your wife as of yet and would usually wait until the rukhsati before you do, then you should defer the rukhsati whilst you seek treatment. You do not have to be explicit about the reason why. You could just tell your wife that you undergoing some medical treatment and would like to defer the rukhsati until then.
During that time you must get in contact a health care professional and start your treatment as soon as possible. In addition to this you must also work on overcoming this habit of yours as continuing the habit will impact your treatment and also your marriage going forward.
The reason why we advise getting treatment and trying to get married is because this will assist you in over-coming this habit of yours. If you decide to never get married it may be extremely difficult to over-come this habit.
If you have a close relative who is older than you and you can trust such as an uncle, you may want to discuss your options with them so that you have someone as support and so that you are not dealing with this by yourself as this could aggravate your mental health.
If you want to discuss your options further you can contact the number on the following page:
الدر المختار وحاشية ابن عابدين (رد المحتار) (3/ 496)
ولو وجدته عنينا) هو من لا يصل إلى النساء لمرض أو كبر، أو سحر ويسمى المعقود وهبانية (أو خصيا) لا ينتشر ذكره، فإن انتشر لم تخير بحر، وعليه فهو من عطف الخاص على العام لخفائه وإن كان بأو لأن الفقهاء يتسامحون في ذلك نهر (أجل سنة) لاشتمالها على الفصول الأربعة، ولا عبرة بتأجيل غير قاضي البلدة (قمرية)
Answered by:
Ifta Research Fellow
Checked & Approved by:
Mufti Abdul Rahman Mangera
Mufti Zubair Patel