Sheikh, I need help. There is this guy “U” who convinced me months to believe that he loves me. I was 14 years older than him & got divorced after an abusive marriage. I multiple times asked the person that we have an age gap & I’m a divorcee, and this won’t work. The person “U” constantly and consistently made me believe it was not an issue until I fell in love with him. I got in a haram relationship, for months we were together happily & all of sudden when we are all set for marriage privately, The guy “U” shut down all his doors towards me. Mentioning here that I left my job too for this guy as we were colleagues & I was his senior & I was pushed to take action against him & I opted to go.
Sheikh, I was destroyed and devastated, being jobless and losing the person in love, and I was addicted. I was close to Allah before(yes, my mistake was that I got in a haram relationship and physical with him but not Zinna). I got close to Allah to the point that I changed and devoted my whole life to Quran & Sunnah.
The person “U” two days back sent his friend asking for mawafi and that he left me because of an age gap. However, he was not at all accepting that he did wrong.
My ex-husband “H” too married me after so much struggle as he was in love with me, but after torturing me with physical, mental & emotional abuse for three years gave me three Tallaq together by not giving me a single chance because his mother wanted him to divorce me as I was eight years elder than him. I was destroyed then, too, because of losing my home. But “U” brought me back to life and, after using me, abounded me.
Sheikh I did say him that I forgive him “U” for Allah’s instructions & likeness but the truth is Sheikh I’m unable to forgive. I’m crying with pain since than that how conveniently he can get away after destroying my life. Sheikh I’m human, the humiliation of these two men leaving me after attaining me for my age when both from very first day knew I was elder than them. Will Allah get angry with me for my these emotions? That I don’t want to forgive them? That I’m restless, I have cried all this time in Sajjdah of Tahajjud with pain & praying Allah. Will Allah won’t be forgiving for me if I don’t forgive them? My heart is in too much pain, help me Sheikh. Tell me how I can make Allah not get angry on me if I don’t forgive these two men? Or Sheikh tell me if I’m wrong or sinner for not forgiving them? Help me sheikh?
It is not necessary to forgive a person who has wronged you. If you choose not to forgive the person, that in and of itself will not be a means of Allah the Almighty being displeased. However, it is highly emphasised in the Qur’an and sunnah to forgive others.
Allah the Almighty says in the Qur’an:
“And the retribution for an evil act is an evil one like it, but whoever pardons and makes reconciliation – his reward is [due] from Allah. Indeed, He does not like wrongdoers.”
The Prophet (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said:
“Charity does not decrease wealth, no one forgives another except that Allah increases their honour, and no one humbles themselves for the sake of Allah except that Allah raises their status.”
Though it may be extremely difficult to forgive a person who has wronged you, it will benefit you in this world by allowing you to move on and the abundant reward in the next life will undoubtedly benefit you there.
You may want to consider seeking professional assistance to help you overcome some of the difficulties you have been subjected to. We pray that Allah grants you relief and ease.
وَإِنْ عَاقَبْتُمْ فَعَاقِبُوا بِمِثْلِ مَا عُوقِبْتُمْ بِهِ [النحل:126].
وقال الله تعالى: وَالَّذِينَ إِذَا أَصَابَهُمُ الْبَغْيُ هُمْ يَنْتَصِرُونَ* وَجَزَاءُ سَيِّئَةٍ سَيِّئَةٌ مِثْلُهَا [الشورى:39-40].
وَلَئِنْ صَبَرْتُمْ لَهُوَ خَيْرٌ لِلصَّابِرِينَ [النحل:126].
وقال تعالى: فَمَنْ عَفَا وَأَصْلَحَ فَأَجْرُهُ عَلَى اللَّهِ [الشورى:40].
وقال الله تعالى: وَلْيَعْفُوا وَلْيَصْفَحُوا [النور:22].
وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ[آل عمران:134]
(وَلْيَعْفُوا وَلْيَصْفَحُوا أَلا تُحِبُّونَ أَنْ يَغْفِرَ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ وَاللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَحِيمٌ) )
[النور: 22] وقال: (وَجَزَاءُ سَيِّئَةٍ سَيِّئَةٌ مِثْلُهَا فَمَنْ عَفَا وَأَصْلَحَ فَأَجْرُهُ عَلَى اللَّهِ إِنَّهُ لا يُحِبُّ الظَّالِمِينَ) [الشورى:40]
وقال: (وَلَمَنْ صَبَرَ وَغَفَرَ إِنَّ ذَلِكَ لَمِنْ عَزْمِ الْأُمُورِ) [الشورى:43]
وقال في صفات المتقين: (وَالْكَاظِمِينَ الْغَيْظَ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ وَاللَّهُ يُحِبُّ الْمُحْسِنِينَ ) [آل عمران: 134]
قوله صلى الله عليه وسلم: ” ما نقصت صدقة من مال، وما زاد الله عبداً بعفو إلا عزاً، وما تواضع أحد لله إلا رفعه الله ” رواه مسلم
وقال النبي صلى الله عليه وسلم: من كظم غيظه وهو يقدر على أن ينتصر، دعاه الله تبارك وتعالى على رؤوس الخلائق، حتى يخيره في حور العين أيتهن شاء. رواه الترمذي
المفردات في غريب القرآن (ص: 486)
والصَّفْحُ: تركُ التّثريب، وهو أبلغ من العفو، ولذلك قال: فَاعْفُوا وَاصْفَحُوا حَتَّى يَأْتِيَ اللَّهُ بِأَمْرِهِ
[البقرة/ 109] ، وقد يعفو الإنسان ولا يَصْفَحُ
Ifta Research Fellow
Checked & Approved by:
Mufti Abdul Rahman Mangera
Mufti Zubair Patel