Delaying daughters marriage

Jul 12, 2021 | Nikah (Marriage)


I want to ask whether it is sinful for a father to delay or be careless about searching for a spouse for his daughter? My father doesn’t look for me and will not allow me to look for a spouse through halal matrimonial sites. My age of marriage is passing by and I am getting older and older. What should I do?


When a girl is of marriageable age, her father should support her in getting married. This could be by actively helping her look for a suitable spouse, or at least by not being a barrier and preventing her from getting married.

The Prophet (may Allah bless him and give him peace) said:

“If anyone cares for three daughters, disciplines them, marries them off, and does good to them, he will go to Paradise.”

He also said:

“When someone, whose religion and character you are pleased with, comes to you then marry (her to) him. If you do not do so, then there will be turmoil in the land and discord.”

From these narrations we understand that it is not only rewarding for a parent to take care of their daughter by finding a suitable spouse but not doing so can be a means of turmoil in this world.

If you feel you are ready to get married, and your father is not willing to support you then you may want to do the following:

Firstly, pray to Allah the Almighty to assist you.

Secondly, speak to a family member who your father also respects and ask them to explain to your father. This could be your mother, a grand parent, or an uncle/aunt.

It is important to  try and understand why your father is not willing to let you get married. Once you understand his worry you may be able to address the issue with him.

If you exhaust all possible options, and there is no other way of convincing your father to look for a spouse for you, or to let you find your own spouse, then you will have no choice but to find a spouse for yourself. You should keep an elderly family member involved at all times, so that you have their support and guidance. This is a last option only, as it is not advised to look for a spouse without your parents being aware.

Answered by:
Ifta Research Fellow

Checked & Approved by:
Mufti Abdul Rahman Mangera
Mufti Zubair Patel

أحكام القرآن للجصاص ت قمحاوي (2/ 100)
وقَوْله تَعَالَى وَلا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ مَعْنَاهُ لَا تَمْنَعُوهُنَّ أَوْ لَا تُضَيِّقُوا عَلَيْهِنَّ فِي التَّزْوِيجِ وَقَدْ دَلَّتْ هَذِهِ الْآيَةُ مِنْ وُجُوهٍ عَلَى جَوَازِ النِّكَاحِ إذَا عَقَدَتْ عَلَى نَفْسِهَا بِغَيْرِ وَلِيِّ وَلَا إذْنِ وَلِيِّهَا

تفسير ابن كثير ت سلامة (1/ 631)
عَنِ ابْنِ عَبَّاسٍ: نَزَلَتْ هَذِهِ الْآيَةُ فِي الرَّجُلِ يُطَلِّقُ امْرَأَتَهُ طَلْقَةً أَوْ طَلْقَتَيْنِ، فَتَنْقَضِي عِدَّتُهَا، ثُمَّ يَبْدُو لَهُ أَنْ يَتَزَوَّجَهَا (2) وَأَنْ يُرَاجِعَهَا، وَتُرِيدَ الْمَرْأَةُ ذَلِكَ، فَيَمْنَعُهَا أَوْلِيَاؤُهَا مِنْ ذَلِكَ، فَنَهَى اللَّهُ أَنْ يَمْنَعُوهَا

الدر المختار وحاشية ابن عابدين (رد المحتار) (3/ 55)
ولاية ندب على المكلفة ولو بكرا وولاية إجبار على الصغيرة

قوله ولاية ندب) أي يستحب للمرأة تفويض أمرها إلى وليها كي لا تنسب إلى الوقاحة بحر وللخروج من خلاف الشافعي في البكر، وهذه في الحقيقة ولاية وكالة

سنن أبي داود (4/ 338)
عَنْ أَبِي سَعِيدٍ الْخُدْرِيِّ، قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: «مَنْ عَالَ ثَلَاثَ بَنَاتٍ، فَأَدَّبَهُنَّ، وَزَوَّجَهُنَّ، وَأَحْسَنَ إِلَيْهِنَّ، فَلَهُ الْجَنَّةُ

سنن الترمذي ت بشار (2/ 385)
عَنْ أَبِي هُرَيْرَةَ قَالَ: قَالَ رَسُولُ اللهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ: إِذَا خَطَبَ إِلَيْكُمْ مَنْ تَرْضَوْنَ دِينَهُ وَخُلُقَهُ فَزَوِّجُوهُ، إِلاَّ تَفْعَلُوا تَكُنْ فِتْنَةٌ فِي الأَرْضِ، وَفَسَادٌ عَرِيضٌ

فَلَا تَعْضُلُوهُنَّ) البقرة/ 232