Unable to love fear and obey Allah properly

Oct 3, 2023 | Miscellaneous


Assalamu alaikum. My problem is that I’m unable to Fear and Love Allah more than people and Myself.I also find it extremely hard to obey him at all times.For example whenever I’m outside and the time for Salah comes I don’t pray due to fear of my parents punishment and people staring at me.In my school they do many music programs.and I have to attend them I’m too embarrassed to tell my principle that music is haram in Islam. Is this shirk? how can I not be ashamed and embarrassed


Your concern for your religion and actions is praiseworthy and is a sign that you have iman (belief).

However, the fact that you are unable to carry through with your good intentions and concerns is a sign that your iman needs further strengthening. Once your iman becomes powerful, it becomes easier to obey Allah Most High, stay away from His disobedience and feel remorse if a sin is committed.

Allah Most High strikes the parable of iman as a firmly rooted tree. When the roots of the tree are strong it gives fruits in abundance and is not shaken by the wind of doubts or desires.

أَلَمۡ تَرَ كَیۡفَ ضَرَبَ ٱللَّهُ مَثَلࣰا كَلِمَةࣰ طَیِّبَةࣰ كَشَجَرَةࣲ طَیِّبَةٍ أَصۡلُهَا ثَابِتࣱ وَفَرۡعُهَا فِی ٱلسَّمَاۤءِ ۝٢٤ تُؤۡتِیۤ أُكُلَهَا كُلَّ حِینِۭ بِإِذۡنِ رَبِّهَاۗ وَیَضۡرِبُ ٱللَّهُ ٱلۡأَمۡثَالَ لِلنَّاسِ لَعَلَّهُمۡ یَتَذَكَّرُونَ ۝٢٥

Do you not see how Allah compares a good word to a good tree? Its root is firm and its branches reach the sky, [always] yielding its fruit in every season by the Will of its Lord. This is how Allah sets forth parables for the people, so perhaps they will be mindful. (Ibrahim:24-25)

Similarly, when your iman becomes strong, you will be able to carry through with good actions and feel no shame in avoiding bad actions.

The following are just three powerful methods to maintain and nurture iman:

  1. Regular remembrance of Allah, particularly reciting the Quran with reflection – this is one of the most powerful methods to increase iman and connect with Allah. Through the Qur’an, you will also come to learn of the attributes and majesty of Allah Most High, his power and his ability to punish. Regularly pondering upon the Qur’an in this manner will also nurture the right balance of love and fear of Allah Most High.
  2. Spend time in pious company – sitting with those who are righteous is a cure for the heart. Try to find the gatherings of local scholars as well as the pious mashayikh and listen to their words of wisdom. Also, make friends who bring you closer towards Islam and make it easier for you to practice.
  3. Join Islamic classes and listen to talks such as those on the names of Allah – this is another avenue to learn about Allah Most High. Through knowledge and appreciating the truth of Islam, one will become inspired to act upon Islam and feel proud of their Muslim identity and faith.
  4. Supplicate to Allah Most High and ask him to grant you his love and also his fear. Some good duʿa’s for this purpose are:

اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْأَلُكَ حُبَّكَ، وَحُبَّ مَنْ يُحِبُّكَ، وَالعَمَلَ الَّذِي يُبَلِّغُنِي حُبَّكَ، اللَّهُمَّ اجْعَلْ حُبَّكَ أَحَبَّ إِلَيَّ مِنْ نَفْسِي وَأَهْلِي، وَمِنَ المَاءِ البَارِدِ

“O Allah, I ask You for Your love and the love of those who love You and love of the action which will make me reach Your love. O Allah make Your love more beloved to me than myself, my family and cold water”

اللَّهُمَّ ارْزُقْنِي حُبَّكَ وَحُبَّ مَنْ يَنْفَعُنِي حُبُّهُ عِنْدَكَ، اللَّهُمَّ مَا رَزَقْتَنِي مِمَّا أُحِبُّ فَاجْعَلْهُ قُوَّةً لِي فِيمَا تُحِبُّ، اللَّهُمَّ وَمَا زَوَيْتَ عَنِّي مِمَّا أُحِبُّ فَاجْعَلْهُفَرَاغًا لِي فِيمَا تُحِبُّ

“O Allah, provide me with Your love and the love of those whose love will benefit me with You. O Allah, that which you have provided me of that which I love, then make it strength for me in that which you love. O Allah, that which you have removed of what I love, then make it a free space for me for that which you love.”

للهُمَّ اجْعَلْ حُبَّكَ أَحَبَّ الْأَشْيَاءِ إِلَيَّ وَاجْعَلْ خَوْفَكَ أَخْوَفَ الْأَشْيَاءِ إِلَيَّ وَاقْطَعْ عَنِّي حَاجَاتِ الدُّنْيَا بِالشَّوْقِ إِلَى لِقَائِكَ وَإِذَا أَقْرَرْتَ أَعْيُنَ أَهْلِالدُّنْيَا مِنْ دُنْيَاهُمْ فَأَقِرَّ عَيْنِي مِنْ عِبَادَتِكَ

“O Allah, make your love the most beloved of things to me, and your fear the most fearful of things to me and sever for me the needs of the dunya by longing for meeting You and when You give delight to the eyes of the people of the world in their dunya, then give my eye delight in your worship”

Moreover, being unable to pray in public and thus missing salat or being too embarrassed to speak up is not shirk. Shirk is to associate partners with Allah Most High which is not what you are guilty of. Rather, it is your iman which has made you realise that these are issues that you need to deal with.

While you work on further strengthening your iman, there are practical steps you can take to overcome situations such as those mentioned in your question. For example, if you fear praying in public, plan your day so that you have the option to pray in the masjid or at home. Similarly, if you are afraid to speak to the principal about attending music events at your school, you may ask your parents or someone you trust to speak on your behalf or you may write an email.

Finally, you should know that your ability to obey Allah and stay away from his disobedience is not solely based on how much you fear and love Him, but is also greatly influenced by how conducive your environment is to obedience. Thus, also try to make your environment more conducive to obedience along with developing the love and fear of Allah.

May Allah Most High grant you his love and fear in perfect balance.

References for duʿa’s:

  1. Tirmidhi
  2. Tirmidhi
  3. Abu Nu’aym, Hilyat al-Awliya’

Answered by:
Ifta Research Fellow

Checked & Approved by:
Mufti Abdul Rahman Mangera
Mufti Zubair Patel