Question

Why is it that in islam endsin marriage in islam is so easy?
Couples who have been married with children for 10+ years can have their families destroyed just after utterance of one unpleasant word three times that term I do not wish to mention here. In a marital life arguments are normal and can turn nasty, but one irresponsible utterance can ruin everything for the family. Why can’t courts decide for a muslim couple who are facing hard times in their marriage, through a process that will allow time for arbitration and reconciliation as it happens in situations among all non muslim communities.

I have also widely read about and heard cases where many muslims face psychological problems. If you surf on islamqa.org website you will notice there are so many reports of muslims experiencing waswasas regarding their marriages. Muslims who face enormous anxiety and develop fear that they don’t accidentally utter that unpleasant term because they want to continue their marriage, since one utterance can destroy everything for them

Answer

Allah the Almighty, through His infinite wisdom, has stipulated rules for us to govern our lives according to. These rules apply to individual lives as well as social practices and contracts. As He is the All-Wise and All-Knowing, the rules established by Him will undoubtedly be full of wisdom and most suited for any society. At times, Allah will unveil the wisdoms behind a particular ruling and at times He will keep them hidden. This does not mean the rule is void of wisdom, rather, we have not been informed of the wisdom.

When it comes to divorce, Allah the Almighty through this wisdom, has placed the responsibility of ending a marriage in the hands of certain individuals, such as the husband or a judge (in a Muslim state). They will have the authority and responsibility of issuing a divorce if it is required.

It is the duty of every person who has been appointed a certain responsibility, to ensure they fulfil their responsibility in a just and fair manner. They are not to abuse their power, take advantage of others or misuse their position.

A husband should follow the correct procedure when a dispute occurs within a family. This includes arranging mediation between the two parties, counselling etc. If all alternatives to divorce fail then he should consult with others as to whether divorce is the correct option. If it is, and the couple decide that they would like to separate from each other then he should issue one divorce. Issuing only one will give them the option to get back together again in the future if they decide to do so, provided certain conditions are met.

Now, if the husband did not control himself and uttered divorce multiple times without thinking it through properly and without going through the correct procedure, he is at fault for acting rashly without careful consideration of the consequences. We cannot blame Islam for putting that responsibility on him. It is the individuals responsibility to ensure that they act appropriately.

If we take the example of a judge, they can get angry and annoyed at a uncooperative or rude defendant and give them an undualy harsh sentence of life imprisonment for instance, or separate a husband and wife or stipulate unfair terms and conditions in a case. This does not mean that appointing a judge to decide in such matters is incorrect, rather, it was the method in which that particular judge had discharged their duty that was incorrect. The judge should have followed procedure and ensured that they were in the correct state of mind before issuing the verdict.

Another example could be of a young person driving a car. If a young person decides to drive in a dangerous manner and as a result injures people, we will not say that young people should not be allowed to drive cars, rather, they need to be educated regarding the harms of driving recklessly and they should act responsibly when driving.

Similarly, if a husband issues divorce inappropriately, then that fault is with him not discharging his duty properly, not in the fact that men have been given the authority of issuing a divorce. He will need to be educated regarding the the correct procedure of issuing a divorce.

As for psychological issues, this is not the norm. We do not see all men or a majority of men going through psychological issues due to having this authority, rather, the cases where this takes place are few in comparison to those who do not have this issue. In addition to this, most cases where there is a psychological impact will be in certain instances such as where a person already suffers with some sort of OCD or waswasah and as a result they suffer with doubts about having issued a divorce. In these types of exceptional cases, a specific ruling maybe issued to those individuals, however, this would be issued on a case by case basis taking their specific condition into consideration.

Answered by:
Ifta Research Fellow

Checked & Approved by:
Mufti Abdul Rahman Mangera
Mufti Zubair Patel